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Boston Daily Newzette
Afternoon Edition July 7th, 1892
SCIENTIST CREATES LIFE
Spotlight, Madrid, Spain. Professor Lorenzo Feliz, the same scientist behind
the recessive / dominant gene theory has achieved the impossible! Through
only three years of research the scientist and his trainees have created
a new lifeform.
"I am quite proud of my achievement" said the scientist "by combining the
genes of a human being with those of a dog I have created a more intelligent,
superior version of man’s best friend!"
Lassie, is the name of an "anthropomorphic" creature, an animal that has
been granted some of the characteristics of a human being.
"She’s quite amazing" said the scientist while feeding her "she has learned
many tricks, and she learned basic things such as housetraining and the
like very rapidly. I believe we’ve seen the last days of our friend rover!"
Although the scientist has ambition and certainly the smarts, he no longer
has funding. As we left his lab in Spain we learned most of his sponsors
have cut funding already, citing the moral implications of playing god.
And as for a replacement to our dear friend Rover, not likely.
Nothing is more dear to us than our pets, and while this marks the beginning
of a new era in science as we prepare to head into the twentieth century,
it is doubtful there will ever be a practical use for such an beast.
CANADA INTERFERES IN U.S.N.A.
AFFAIRS AGAIN
U.S.N.A. border officials have accused the Canadian Mounted Border Patrol
of knowingly allowing twenty five fugitive slaves to cross the Canadian
border near Sherwood, North Dakota last Tuesday.
Apparently the slaves overcame their Alabaman owner last year and made
their way north on foot. Reportedly they asked for assistance from the
C.M.B.P. as they ran through the border and were given some rations.
Their owner has already filed for an extradition of his property, but Canadian
officials are denying the incident ever occurred.
Tom Keeves, the owner, has published a brochure listing his missing property.
Fifteen of the slaves are black, whereas the remaining ten are Natchez.
If you have any
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